10-Aug-2015
Life is full of expectations… We are full of expectations. People expect us to do certain things, to be certain people, to act in a certain way in public, to do what it’s ‘right’ for society in order to fill their own ideals. We all have them, and since we are little this is what they taught us to look at, and it’s ok! sometimes we need guidelines and someone to shed some light from the distance, but it’s just that… these freaking expectations… they are making a lot of noise around me.
I am not a mother, but I have friends with children. I’ve had the blessing of baby sitting for one of my best friends a few times in the last months. I always enjoy these moments as being surrounded by children who are brought up in some much love it’s so beautiful to see, and I completely love it. But, BUT, I also realized so closely for the very first time what a huge responsibility that is! It’s like suddenly your “me” time is completely gone, vanished, adiós. From one day to another your biggest priority in life is your children and the daily education you give to them, teaching them how to eat, how to behave, how to have schedules and disciple, when it’s ok to sleep or to scream or to play, and when it’s not… when to show their anger, when to show love, when and how to control their emotions… Wow, just by thinking about it I am already exhausted.
But even if I would really want to know how this situation is in real life, I don’t actually know (just yet), so I can’t really talk about it. And if you are wondering what the hell all this has to do with expectations, well, what I’m just sitting down here for is to try to remember: When was the very first moment in life in which we started setting up expectations in our children, parents, jobs, friends, lovers? even strangers!? And at some point it just gets so out of control that this concept ends up affecting the way we move through life.
I don’t know if I’m just going through a time of my life that will pass soon, but lately the situations that I have been into seem a little bit of a test to me: people around me getting engaged, getting married, getting children, getting dogs, getting a house, getting their life sorted. My dear parents and I having fights because it’s difficult for them to understand my way of living (or probably because I have not been able to explain to them properly). And then getting even more fights when we start talking about my personal life: “Mom, I might never married”, “I don’t know mom, I don’t even have a boyfriend right now”, “Mom, I’m happy! my happiness doesn’t depend on finding some-one”, “Mom, if I marry, it might not be in the catholic church… I don’t even know if the guy will have the same religion as me and I don’t really care”, “Yes Mom, I am 29 now, but I feel young!”… “Mom, please don’t cry” 😦
My mother is the most amazing woman I know and she has been the biggest key to open many doors in my life AND I love her deeply. But I am scared of disappointing her. First, me getting out of a stable job from an investment bank in London – the dream job for many, the dream city for many more… Ok, that took her time (took THEM time, because my dad was part of it too even if he wants to deny it). And now, with my love life not going anywhere at the moment, and my ideas of marriage and kids and families and houses changing in directions I never thought they will…
I wish that no one ever had taught us about expectations. They are just a slow road to disappointment for the subject involved, but an even more painful one for the part that is setting the expectations on you, either consciously or unconsciously. It’s painful when you don’t want to hurt, but still you have to, unless you want to hurt yourself by not being true to yourself. However, sometimes I do think: Is it possible that maybe I was expecting the same for myself in the first place? Is it possible that I am still expecting that and I will end up hurting no one but myself? Maybe that is it, but I guess I will know when the time comes where I have to make such big decisions for my life. For now they are just ideas, thoughts, feelings of how I think it will be. I am curious of how the reality will turn out to be.
lifeyesbylaura 