New India 2019

Mysore, Karnataka, India. 17th of January 2019.

I’m back in India, after 9 months away. So much can happen in 9 months… the cycle of birth. Some of these months felt like I’ve been in incubation and now I’m coming out to the world again. I hope this is like a re-birth along with this new year, which according to numerology it’s a #1 for me – beginnings.

It’s not that easy to admit, but I’ve more or less taken a 9 month break from yoga, which is the most I’ve gone without it. I did bits here and there, but nothing constant and nothing that lasted more than 1 hour per week, sometimes per month. It has been mostly Yin. And Yin in every sense: Yin yoga, Yin life, Yin everything. Except with the eating, that was pretty much Yang 😅.

I have been here for a week, but it seems much longer than that. I am enjoying the non-doing, which is very common here (if you want). You can be as busy as you want to be with all the courses and classes offered, but this time it’s just the coming back to my practice slowly, and working again on being present.

This place is a big mirror for me which shows me where I am. Last year I was sooo present. This time, it’s like I’m here but I’m not. I’m here but I’m in the future, worrying about what’s next  for me and what do I want to do with my life. I don’t want to be a hippie of the world my whole life. I love traveling and I don’t think I’ll ever stop but I’m starting to miss a home of my own, somewhere to go back to and feel like: ahhhhh, THIS.

Mysore this time is different for me, it always is. And I had doubts my first days here whether if coming was a good idea or not. My friend Courtney’s answer to this was: India is never a mistake!! And she is right. Whether if you have a tough time or a wonderful one, there is always a lesson in here. It’s such a compassionate place; it gives you so much. Once, some Indian guy on the streets asked my friend why did she come here for? “To learn yoga? meditation?” After the hundredth time she’d probably been asked that, she reluctantly and unimpressed said yes. And he then said: you westerners, you all come and you take the yoga, you take the meditation, you take the ayurveda, you take India and you bring it all back to your country… (Ouch) He is right too.

My mind keeps rambling… “What am I doing here again?”, “I shouldn’t come back next year”, “Why am I doing asanas for?”, “Why meditation?”, “Why all of this?”. I know India creates in me sometimes a kind of Love/Hate relationship, and I know too that I’ve just been here for a week, so I’m just being patient and trying to relax. And whatever is meant to happen this time, will happen. Although…

My teachers in Mysore – Part 2: Opening the body inside out

22/Mar/16

I wrote this piece a while ago, just before leaving Mysore last summer. I am about to finish my short 2-week practice with Ajay once again, and its incredible that months later, I feel exactly the same about it. If I were to write it again, I think it would be pretty much the same:) except that this time I got to share the experience with a beautiful friend<3 my almost 1 year travel companion. Feeling blessed to have a witness and be someone’s witness in this deep journey of yoga, to be happy together and “devastated” together. Thank you!

13/Jul/15 – Ajay Kumar.

Sthalam8 it’s a small shala in the area of Lakshmipuram, one of the main towns of Mysore, where the lately well-known Ajay Kumar along with his assistant Shiva Prakash, teaches the traditional Asthanga yoga as taught by BNS Iyengar.

After having spent one month with M.V. Chidananda, the first impression as soon as I started my first class with Ajay was that it would be a bit hard to get used to a completely different style of teaching, different breathing tempo, adjustments, opening & closing prayer… Everything was different.

I was a bit resistant for change because I wondered if I was going to get the same benefits as my previous teacher already got to know my body and its weakest points, and now knew how to tackle them!

But… I have to say, I was very well surprised!

Day 1, adjustment number 1 in downward dog, and Ajay already tells me that my main problem is in my shoulders… my sweet little shoulders. They are tight as hell (not quoting him by the way). I couldn’t do anything but smile because I knew that he knew, not only about my shoulders or whichever part of my body… but I mean, he knew stuff… he can feel stuff… I was in good hands.

His main approach in teaching is of course Ashtanga, which you do most days of the week in a traditional way, but there are a few variations which makes it quite enjoyable for a change:

On Thursdays we start with the normal sequence but after warming up for a while he stops everyone to start his Vinyasa class. It is really REALLY good! This is an opportunity to learn and properly practice jump backs, jump-throughs, bandhas, breath. He also shows you different bodies to start training your eyes to notice things – in yourself and others. It’s my favourite class so far :).

On Sundays there is a self-practice in the morning where no teacher is adjusting, so you can feel free to roll as you wish. The reason for this is because later that day he does a back-bending class. No… wait, let me say this again… He does an AMAZING back-bending class! It is beyond what I was expecting and he makes you work a lot! If you do it just as he tells you, you will feel your quads working like crazy. With a variety of sun salutations, you also learn to feel what he calls the ‘dead’ part of our bodies, which is mainly the upper & middle part of the back, as well as working the lower one in a safe way.

He makes you work your shoulders, your arms, your hips, your legs… e v e r y t h i n g. And I apologize in advance as this is not a very nice thing to imagine but I have never seen my sweat coming out of my pores like that. I had my body activated every single second, or at least I felt so.

What’s funny though is that after more than 2 hours of class, only the last 20 minutes are actually about the traditional back bending & dropping back, but by that time you already had felt whatever you were meant to feel, and so much more. You’ve opened your body so much that the sensation goes not only to the physical but to more subtle layers, especially on the heart area. You’ve prepared your body for the real thing and at this point it seems now a little bit less impossible to do.

I loved it, although I can’t do most of the things, but as he says: “You are not here to show what you can do good, but what you can’t, so that I can help”.

Sthalam8

Ajay is really an excellent teacher and I am very happy that I had the chance to study with him during my last weeks in Mysore. He might seem a little bit intimidating at first, but he is very sweet actually, nice to talk to and to be with. He cares about bonding with students and every once in a while has breakfast with everyone in the cafe. He makes you laugh at class sometimes with his jokes about “bleeding his eyes out” for seeing you do the poses so wrong!

But he is also very strict and doesn’t play any games. He doesn’t hesitate to tell you what you are doing wrong and that you are not listening to his simple instructions. He teaches you to listen, to focus, to breath and use bandhas. He is very aware of how the energy flows in the room. He will never push you further than your limits (and he won’t allow you to go there) but still he will always encourage you to try new things. It’s like his personal challenge… you have to walk out of there with something new to take with you.

After a week of practice he allowed me to do the whole primary series, and even though I did it horribly with no modifications, I know he just wants me to try! To feel what its like to do things you’ve never even try to do, and that you tell yourself you just can’t. The key is just to do your part: breathe “good and proper”, and let him do his. Then all is coming 🙂

El mundo es nuestra Casa

03-Mar-16. Mysore,India

Hoy, exactamente 1 año después de haber tomado ese avión fuera de Londres, el avión que básicamente cambio mi vida, empiezo nuevas aventuras. Increíble imaginar todo lo que ha pasado en 1 año!

Día 1 de mi curso de Masaje de Yoga Ayurvédico. Tenia ya varios meses emocionada de que este día llegara. Y heme aquí ahora, sin querer, en el día 3 del mes 3, de nuevo planeando inicios, planeando mi vida en terrenos que pensé eran firmes, y que ahora se me mueven y estoy tratando de pisar con mas seguridad. Y no es tanto el curso, sino lo que esta representando. 3… hay algo que me esta haciendo ver ese numero en todos lados últimamente. De hecho parece que Marzo tiene un algo, que ahora que lo pienso, hace que de alguna forma las cosas en mi vida se meneen tantito, que tomen otros rumbos.

Hoy es mi primer día en Mysore, mi segunda vez aquí. La ultima vez fue hace 7-8 meses, pero se siente como si nunca me hubiera ido: una sensación de familiaridad increíble, y de bienvenida también. Se siente como en casa – tanto así que venia hablando con el taxista al final del largo viaje de 3 horas que se hace de Bangalore a Mysore, y hablábamos de gente que conocíamos en común (que Vemkatesh el que me renta el cuarto, que Kumar el que trabaja en equis shala, que fulanita quien prepara la comida…). Pasa el día, y me entero también que 3 compañeros con los que comparti el shala de Marci & Rolf en Goa, hace ya también 1 año, estan acá, en su propia aventura. Ya tengo una cita para ver amigos… en India! en mi primer día! sí que es pequeño el mundo 🙂

Este tipo de cosas me hacen pensar… bueno, donde es casa en realidad? Casa para mi claro que siempre será mi Juárez bello, pero en realidad he aprendido que ‘Casa’ es donde el corazón se siente agusto y en paz. Personalmente, cuando mi felicidad es tanta, el corazón me sube de temperatura, se siente calientito… feliz.

Y hablando de esa jornada de viaje en taxi… Resulta que por “casualidades” del destino me tocó compartirlo con una chica que también está en el curso que estoy tomando. Eso no es la casualidad, ya que compartir transporte con gente que llegara a horas similares fue totalmente planeado. Lo que no fue planeado fue que esta chica francesa de 30 años, sentada en seguida de mí y recorriendo esa larga carretera conmigo, a la misma hora, en el mismo lugar, se llamara exactamente igual que yo! Laura…. Garcia…. Sip. Exactamente así.

“Casualidad?”… Nah.

“Las casualidades son subrayados, subrayados para que sepamos que debemos fijarnos en algo.”

Y regresando al tema de “Dónde es casa?” Hoy también conocí a otra francesa en el curso. Una señora guapa, con ojos azules y profundos. Soy malísima calculando edades, pero solo dire que tiene ya el pelo blanco y lindas arrugas en la piel, que solo la hacen ver aún mas bella. Roselle habla perfecto español y tiene viviendo en México ya más de 30 años simplemente porque la primera vez que estuvo ahí se enamoró del país, y tras un divorcio temprano decidió seguir su sueño y regresar para quedarse. Hoy dice orgullosa que tiene ya una nieta 100% mexicana. Definitivamente esta mujer que acabo de conocer se ha convertido en una gran inspiración para mi. A su edad, nada la detiene. Esta aquí, aprendiendo algo nuevo, usando todas sus habilidades para lograr una meta más en su vida. A pesar de vivir en un país como Francia con comodidades de primer mundo, decidió seguir su corazón y estar en cambio en un lugar que la hiciera sentir viva. Tenia una casita hace no mucho, pero hoy que su hijo ya es esposo y padre, no tiene nada que la ate a ningún lugar, así que pasa algunos meses en India viajando y aprendiendo, y cuando regresa a Mexico simplemente renta un lugarcito para sentirse de nuevo como en casa. Así de simple. Quién necesita de cosas para ser feliz? Ya deseo yo llegar a tomar la vida así cuando la edad nos empieza a asustar y a susurrar al oído que necesitamos una seguridad material para sentir tranquilidad. Pff… Lección aprendida! Suficiente para terminar mi día con una sonrisa enorme en el rostro.

Querida Roselle, acaba de ayudar a formar una imagen de mí misma a futuro que no había siquiera considerado. Y me encanta! Gracias 🙂

Traveling different

I am a Taurus, Earth sign. Earth signs apparently don’t like too much change or move in their lives. They are happy once they’ve found a nice & beautiful comfortable space. All they need its just a place to go back to every time – a place where they can feel safe. I am a Taurus, no doubt about that: I ‘m stubborn, determined, practical. I have quite a character at times and yes I do like comfort (who doesn’t?). But the “changing” part is the one not quite clicking astrologically…

Lately my life has been all about changing and moving that I’ve somehow learned to settle temporarily in different places, making them my new home for a week, a month and sometimes more. So my biggest wonder lately is if I will ever be happy settling only in single place? Am I a rare Taurus or am I restlessness about something that I feel I need to get from all of this, that I still haven’t?

Because of these sudden ideas that came up to me, I’ve thought a lot lately about the purpose of my travels. At first I started doing it for myself, to heal my own soul and learn more about this magical and dream-like path that is yoga for me. But now it feels that this is not enough anymore. It feels a little bit shallow.

A few weeks ago someone was curious to know everything about my recent trips, especially India, as for yogis this is a place I believe we all dream about going to some day. “Was it transformational for you?” she asked, her smiling face expecting a typical (and obvious) answer like “OMG, yes, it changed my life!”; however, my reply was somehow different. I hesitated for a while, and after a few seconds told her that actually it wasn’t… that my real life-changing experience actually began when I did my yoga teacher training followed by the leap of faith I took at the beginning of the year: leaving everything behind me, – or at least the life as I knew it – and making a real change in the way I was walking through it. India, as absolutely an amazing experience as it was, has been just a consequence of all of this.

I thought I was happy with my reply. In fact, I actually didn’t even think about it thoroughly until yesterday while facing a little internal crisis (I still blame the last new moon for it). Something was bothering me and I didn’t know what it was. Something felt as if it didn’t fit. I felt completely out of place in my surroundings, with my friends, with my present, as if I needed to change something… but what could that be?

Today I have a clearer mind. The sun has come out again, and with it a new moon and a new way to look at things. I got inspired by a book I’m reading which was a recommendation a friend made to me when I decided to take this journey; its called The Promise of a Pencil by Adam Braun. He is an ordinary guy who has created an extraordinary change in the world. He started by having an itch, same way I did and I’m sure many of us do too. Just an itch, that’s all it takes. Intention.

He took his first long trip to several countries, most of them what we call the “third world”, and chose to not be just a typical tourist but to be a real traveller.

To make this experience real he decided that to every place he landed, he would ask at least one child what was it that they wanted the most in this world if they could have it. He got all sorts of different answers, all of them completely unexpected. What these kids really wanted was everything BUT materialistic things. Its not actually that surprising as these kids live close to nature and they have purer minds as they are not constantly faced with the “you-need-this-to-be-happy” philosophy. They don’t need things to be happy and even with their short age they have this very clear. So to cut the long story short, Adam realized that a common thing these kids wanted was to feel motivated, to be able to do the things they wanted to do without feeling limited or cursed to be born or living in these poor and almost unreachable places. So he gave them power… he gave them schools, but not only 4 walls but he actually created a space fo a sustainable education to happen.

While reading what a person like him could do in such a short time needing nothing but a compassionate heart and creative ideas, I suddenly stopped for a second and realized that this is exactly what I am missing. I have been doing something really wrong: I’ve been missing the most important part of travelling! I haven’t really been connected with people the way I would have liked to. I have not been asking people enough questions in order to get to know them better & understand their culture, wishes and believes a little bit better. I am not a big talker anyway but I have been so busy trying to find my own path and to enjoy every party of MY experience that I forgot completely that people actually make our experience.

They are our best teachers, our best opportunity to become a better person ourselves. I forgot that helping someone selflessly even if it’s just with a smile or an uplifting conversation its what brings us the greatest happiness of all, because it bring happiness to someone else.

Hmm, and I wondered why India was not as transformational as I would have thought. Shame on me! But now I know, I’ve opened my eyes to something I was not seeing or maybe I was deciding not to see… I want to make a difference somehow. Otherwise, what’s the point of all of this?

The year has just ended. 2015 had been incredible, a dream I didn’t even imagine could ever happen; but I’ve decided that I’m going to make 2016 a better one , one that really counts not only for me or for my own benefit, but also (and especially) for someone else, someone out there who might need exactly what I can offer, even if that is just being myself and opening my heart to them – because I keep forgetting that life its all about this: feeling and sharing love & compassion for others. At the end of our lives nothing else matters, does it? Not even the experiences accumulated do if you didn’t get to share your greatest happiness and tears with others, so… l will put that into practice and let’s see what happens.

My teachers in Mysore – Part 1: Breath, my dancing partner

June 2015

My first time in Mysore and I was lucky enough to have fallen into good hands. Before coming here my plans regarding the teacher I would be practicing with were completely different; but on the process of emailing and investigating about the teachers here I realized that I have decided to come precisely on the months where most of them are away on tour. It’s a common thing and most of them will have specific dates they go away during the year but being new to all this I had no clue. Thankfully I got sooo many recommendations from people that I know who put me in contact with a friend or a friend of a friend who have been here, and that helped a lot! It’s incredible how the information just comes to you when you really really want it. Thank you everyone who helped:)

One of the teachers that came up on that list was M V Chidananda, a disciple of BNS Iyengar. I went to the web and started searching. Many of my decisions are based on my first gut feeling, even when choosing a wine – I don’t look at the price or the grape or the bottle, it’s something about the label calling me that I just know it will be good. Same as with this, I didn’t overstudy how recognized the teachers were or how many qualifications they had, I just knew that this one felt right and something said to me: Go for it!

M V Chidananda is a very good, knowledgeable and respectable ashtanga teacher in Mysore. He is a good man and he will always happily welcome you and guide you step by step in your practice regardless of your level. It’s so inspiring to see how much energy he puts into each of his students and on each and every single adjustment. He does really deep adjustments by the way, and I must say that before I secretly hated it (or maybe not that secretly). I thought that if you get adjusted too much, you wouldn’t be able to work hard enough as someone was kind of doing the job for you. And also I was really scared that one day one of those adjustments would injure me or break me into half. I was wrong! This is not necessarily true, especially if you have someone who can guide you safely. Being a stiff person myself I have to say I felt really very safe with him since day one – that kind of feeling where you completely surrender into whatever your teacher is doing and telling you to do. He genuinely wants to help you, he wants you to feel that part of your body you have never felt, even if it’s hard to get to. But you´re in good hands; he is intuitive enough to know where and when to stop without a word.

I didn’t open my mouth once during practice – he didn’t either. There was no need for it, the key was on breathing long and deep and moving with that, pretty much like a dance. Inhale…… Exhale…… It was a little magical.

Mysore Mandala, yoga shala in Lakshmipuram

I was practicing with him for a month, but one month, two months, three months… it’s never enough when you are seeing and feeling the results, you just want to keep doing it. I have never gone as deep in forward folds as I did here, nor have ever felt my hips and groin stretching this much. It was painful, but it’s a good kind of pain, the pain where you know that you’ve just found the exact place where the blockage is, and now you can focus and breathe into it. In the same way, I have never twisted my body in such a way that I could barely find my breath in between all that squeeze, it was intense. But he is always there.. to show you where your body can go, and you can count on full 5 long and deep breaths with him guiding you passionately, in a silence where only breath is allowed to be.

You come here to learn, to try new things, even if you think they look horrible and go against what you have learned before. Relax and forget about all these ideas you have in your mind about how good or how bad you look in a pose. You will be wasting your time because during this month I couldn’t find space for our little egos who sometimes are just waiting to come out. You are here to feel. You are trapped into this practice where there is no need to pretend anything at all. No one knows you, you don´t know anyone. Its just you and your practice, like it should be.

Namaste:)

Sometimes we just have to let things go

2/May/2015

I have spent the last 3 days in Bangkok, which turned to be quite an interesting trip for me. I cannot say that I discovered too much of the city, actually, for the first time in my solo travels I felt a little bit lost, wandering around, not knowing what to do, where to go, who to hang out with (should I look for people? be by myself? none?!…). I have a feeling that I still cannot absorb what has happened in the last 2 months since the moment I decided to leave the life I knew and embark into a new life that I thought I knew better, but oh boy! little did I know… little did I know.

What happened these last 2 months in India? Nothing happened, and yet everything happened. Yes, I have been practicing yoga, although maybe not as much as I would have liked – but I guess what you do in your day and how you spend it, its a choice you make every day and its only up to ourselves, so I cannot blame anyone for that. Maybe my expectations where different too. I saw myself completely immerse into yoga, 24/7, walking out of India more open, with a more flexible body, maybe a tiny bit more enlightened (ha!), and the reality is that maybe all of this is true and I still can´t see it, but it is also true that India´s lifestyle, the heat, the smells, the lack of comforts, the language, the noise! (and the list can go on & on) made it a little bit harder that I thought it would be. Don´t get me wrong, I loved India and I am planning to go back, hopefully. It´s just…

Yes! expectations! I pictured myself waking up every day, meditating, doing my practice, studying the Yoga Sutras, chanting, doing pranayama, completely changing my diet, my lifestyle, doing cleansing techniques, wearing a bindi, learning from masters and understanding deeeeep stuff, and then of course applying all of these into my life, doing it every single day … for the rest of my days. Yeah, maybe I was asking a bit too much from myself…

Nevertheless, I was so sad and disappointed to discover that I was not doing all those things… or that I would ever be able to. Maybe I was being naive believing that one can be that kind of yogi. Maybe it no longer exists. Maybe this plan would have worked in my previous existence, a few lives ago. But Today… ! I mean, when would one have time to teach? to meet people? to spend time with family, with friends, with our loved ones? to travel? to work? to cook? (yeah, ok I don´t cook), but even to enjoy the amazing mundane pleasures of life every once in a while…? it´s valid, right?

…. Ok, I am having a crisis… but I have calmed down… So now I guess my expectations will have to adapt. And that´s ok. So I will start over.

My new dream today is to live a normal, modern life and still be a truly dedicated and inspiring yogi, helping others, transmitting whatever I am able to transmit (positive stuff I hope), show people this amazing path which is yoga and be part of their journey, learn from them, give love, receive love, evolve every day. I would love to be able to do all of that and more without being taken for a joke or for not being good enough… just because I´m not leaving everything behind me, just because I am not “one of those” yogis.

(pause)

So yes, Bangkok wasn´t necessarily a leisure trip for me. It was more of a cushion, a pause, a time of reflection, of questioning… What am I doing? Where am I going? What I´m doing now is bringing me closer to where I want to be? What is next in my path, in my future? (which also seems to be the #1 favourite of my family). I have been planning and re-planning for the last days, trying to make things work perfectly, thinking too much, going around and around in my head.

I know, I have to stop. Things don´t get solved by over-thinking them, instead the path keep getting blurrier the more you look at it. It´s just the way it is. And inside of me I know that I just have to let go, trust and have faith with all my heart that answers will come when I am ready, when it is the right time…

4/May/2015 … (continuation)

I am in Koh Samui now. I am in paradise, writing in front of the swimming pool with tremendous views of the sea, feeling completely at peace, listening to the birds and the sound of water moving, ahhh that amazing sound. Here I can even hear the wind, enjoy the sun on my skin, take energy from it and finally feel like I am coming back to being “me” again.

I know this is temporary, and that even though I am here fully dedicated to yoga for the next month assisting my wonderful teachers, I will have to go back to reality and confront whatever I left in pause. But I don´t want to think about the future. Here I feel at peace, I feel blessed and happy to have my family in my life, my friends and my teachers. Happy to be always surrounded by people who I deeply deeply love, and who love me back and accept me as I am, wherever in my path I might be. People who believe in me and who don´t care how do I choose to live my life. They still love me. They see me with kindness, they guide me and yet they are humble enough to let themselves be guided.

I am truly blessed, we all are. And I have now decided that I won´t pretend to be someone I am not. I am not a monk or a Buddhist or an Indian yogi from the ancient times. There is so many people I could compare myself to, so many people who I admire. But no. I am who I am. And you have to be who you are in this world, and be happy with it, share as much as you can from it, learn as much as you can from it.

“Who Am I?” I feel that trying to put a name to it would just be a matter of status, of identity, of ego, of separation… Right now the only words I can relate to and that I have been constantly repeating to myself are:

I AM HERE. I AM NOW.

And it feels good:)

P.S. Opening my 2nd travel envelope, meant to be used only in emergencies, and it reads:

– “Sometimes we just have to let things go” –

Goa welcomes my new path

13/Mar/2015

Today is the day where exactly one month ago I was living my very last working day in the corporate world. One month ago, huh? time flies when you are having fun, they say.

I am fully installed in Goa now, looking at the ocean and breathing pure nature around me. Feeling the warmth, not only from the climate but from the people too. On the first day here everybody knows your name – I am not just a guest in Room H-1 – here I am me, I am Laura. It feels nice, gives that sense of familiarity.

It´s been a week since I arrived to this beautiful place. I look around me and I suddenly think… since when did it become so normal to be here?. It feels like if I am just back to a place where I have been before. At the same time though, it feels like a different kind of world, a world that can´t be found everywhere. I look at my right and see people meditating in the beach or outside of their little huts. I look to the left and I see people doing yoga, tai chi and humming “om”s in front of the sea. I look to the front and the sunset is setting just in front of my eyes. Finally, I look back and I could not imagine my life without choosing this path, this journey that has JUST started!. The journey of self-discovery, the journey of oneness, of authentic happiness and contentment, of liberation… of non-attachent… And with the latter I am now starting to open a new little road in my yoga path. A new lesson for this life.

Feeling eternally grateful for that.

Namaste.