My first time with Hikurito, the sacred medicine

18^th August 2016

Air, Earth, Wind, Water.

It’s been a while since I have been using those words often. I’ve even been describing myself and other people with them: “I’m so earthy”, “She is all firy”, “He’s very airy”, and so on. I quite like how the elements’ characteristics very accurately describe someone’s character. However, it was only since a few months ago that I started to feel the need to not only be aware of the elements, but to honour them – or at least to try to.

I first though that honouring was merely being thankful to them for being there, for existing in our lives, but I think this stayed a bit short. After a course I took about Shamanism back in March I just started to understand what honouring really means. It means not just being grateful for their existence, but also showing them our gratefulness, our respect, connecting with them in the same way that we try to connect with people, i.e., talking to them, observing them, understanding them, respecting them, listening to what they have to say…

During my Shamanism course – from the best days I’ve spent in my life – I felt fully immersed in a world that I thought no longer existed. The world of our ancestors, that point in time where our people used to live in the nature, making use of whatever the nature was providing, and lacking nothing because all what one needed was there to survive, to live, to be happy.

The words in these pages are not meant to be about that course, but I do feel the need to mention it because this was the first time I felt part of that ancestral world, the first time I remembered that I once was them… that I still am.

My second time was a few days ago… with Hikurito as my witness, as my teacher.

Where to start? It’s been quite a journey to even get here. Since that course my body and spirit started to itch, telling me that I was ready to embark into the journey and be part of such a sacred ceremony like this. I felt there was just so much more to learn and so much more to see, that with our consciousness as it is right now it would be quite difficult to do. Luckily the opportunity presented to me not long after and I would have the honour to share it with people that I know and that I trust.

It all happened in Monterrey, NL, Mexico, one of the places where Peyote grows naturally in the mountains.

I had been nervous for days! For weeks even. I had no idea how the ceremony was going to be and I didn’t want to over-read about it or investigate thoroughly so to keep the element of surprise in it. But still, the fear was there, I guess the fear of the unknown. The only thing I could think of is that I was going to see everything what I have been avoiding to see: my ego, my demons, my shadows… all at once. And believe me… this felt quite scary. Just thinking about it gave me nauseas.

Its not that I am a mean person, or at least I don’t think I am, but I do believe we all have those shadows in us, that are fed by our fears and that don’t allow us to grow and to continue in our paths. I do believe I have some of them, because no matter how much self work I do about it, they keep coming, they keep showing me that they aren’t going anywhere, not until I fully accept them and integrate them in my life.

Ironically, the experience was completely the opposite of what I expected. I was quite surprised and I still am.

The ceremony was held by David Mazatl and his son: two beautiful and authentic souls who very humbly took us through every step patiently. They run these ceremonies only for their community, the Native American Church (or the Peyote religion), but this time they opened it to us for the very first time. Tlazocamati (Thank You) for that.

The whole ceremony lasted all night; from the moment the Full Moon was shining brightly in the sky, until the sun rose fully on the East. We were around 18 people taking part of it, plus them 2. It all started with a round of sacred tobacco. We made our own cigarette with corn paper and tobacco, passed it around and smoked at least 4 times thinking about our intention for this ceremony, asking the help of our grandfather Fire burning there in front of us to guide us into this process and to help us see what we needed to see, and discover what was needed to be discovered. I myself chose to work on the beautiful but complicated subject: Love. I had a few specific things in mind, which during the ceremony and even after it started to unfold. I’m sure that more it’s still on its way… and in various different presentations.

What came next was the sacramental eating of Peyote rounds. It came in 3 forms: fresh ones that had been cut that morning, a powder one and a tea. During the night the whole thing went around 4 times, slowly. Each of those times were divided by rounds of prayer, contemplation, singing and playing of the drum and the rattle. We also had a couple of water rituals, one for the masculine energy and one for the feminine. It was really special, everything and everyone in that circle.

In the first round when the plate with the fresh buttons of peyote came to me, I couldn’t believe what I was holding. I took my first button and smelled it. It smelled like Earth. I tasted it. It tasted sour, with the consistency of a fruit… Difficult to explain, but depending on where you bit, it could be quite a strong taste. Before I put it in my mouth I talked to him, and I said: “You are the one who will show me, who will teach me”, and while I had it in my mouth I thought: “You silly one… you are not the one who is going to tell him how to teach you….” And I felt sorry for what I said, and while eating the second piece I asked him to forgive me and promised to surrender to whatever he wanted me to experience. Silly me!

3 more rounds came next. And nothing really changed in my body physically, nor did I feel any strange effects, apart from nausea at times. One of those times I did threw up. I throw up easily anyways, but I felt in that moment that I was cleansing myself from something. Nothing major, it felt like something really impermanent and unimportant, but that needed to get out in order to allow the rest to go in clean.

The night went on. Slooowly. At first it was hard, very hard to stay awake and alert, but it was amazing to be there, staring at the fire, looking how it moves and changes colour, forms and sizes; looking at the changes in the sky during the night, changes that we are not conscious of because we are sleeping: the gorgeous Full Moon, the stars shining above us, the mountains changing colours, the spirits waking up at certain times of the night (when animals start making noise or acting strange), shooting stars saying hi and even a satellite passing by.

Suddenly after what felt like an eternity, the sky started to change colour to a clear and bright blue, where you could see the morning star shining and twinkling as bright as I’ve ever seen. It was then when the ritual of the morning water began. This ritual was held by a designated woman in the circle, a woman who was meant to abandon the circle to go and stare and pray to the morning star, and then bring the water back. She then prayed again in the circle with the sacred tobacco and passed the jug around. This was the water of the feminine energy. We then all drank from it… asking so that it teaches us how to be women, how to drop all those walls of protection and the “I can do it myself” arrogance, asking that it teaches us how to empower and support men, how to use our power for what its meant to be used, to give us subtlety and femininity… because with time we are losing this, changing the natural cycle of life and filling ourselves with masculinity instead.

This moment of the early morning really touched me. There was a pregnant woman in the circle, with her couple next to her. She didn’t eat Peyote but was part of the whole ceremony. It was beautiful to see the support that they gave to each other, being there and showing their love to one another, to the baby which was on its way, that baby who has been already touched by the magic of this sacred moment. It was really beautiful to see, and there were many lessons I took from just watching them closely.

I was really impressed on how the ceremony was held in such discipline, in such perfection. There was nothing happening there that didn’t have a meaning. No false movements happened. If something occurred by mistake (because for many of us it was our first time), there was a specific way to make up for it, to clean it and to bring the energy focus back to where it was. No person crossed a physical space without asking for permission, until little by little we started to understand that if we move the energies in the circle as each of us pleased, it could cut the work that had been done. Everything in that altar had a reason to be, everything inside that circle had a place and a space.

The men who were all night looking after the Fire had one of the toughest jobs I’ve seen during a bonfire. This was not a normal bonfire at all. This was the one who was going to take care of all of us and all of our intentions that night. It had to be on all night. The wood had a specific direction where it should face to, depending on the stage of the ceremony we were into, and even the hot coal had a special place where it should be moved to, at specific times. Nothing was set in that circle by coincidence or by chance – it all had a purpose.

To tell the truth, I thought that my experience was going to be all psysicodelic and out of this world, but nah ah… Hikuri decided to show me in a different way: a VERY subtle and loving way. I would have never imagined it. And fortunately enough, it’s still showing me. Days later I am still trying to comprehend my dreams, my day to day experiences, and the thoughts and memories that my mind and my heart are bringing to me these days.

I appreciate and am thankful for each second spent in that circle. Even if I was struggling most of the night to keep myself awake, or if at times I thought that that has been the longest night of my life… At the end it all was worth it: Meeting the spirit of the grandfather, having it in my body and knowing that once inside, it will always remain inside. Knowing that one does not choose Peyote, but Peyote chooses us, bringing us to the right time and place where we should be. Knowing that whenever I have a doubt, I can always go back to that sacred moment, those sacred images that I will always keep with me – images that brought me back to my ancestral memories. Knowing that even if I am not even close to explain what happened that night with words, my body and spirit will remember… and whenever I need it, it will again manifest within me.

To the spirit of the deer… Thank you. Tlazocamati. Gracias. Aho! (I am one with you)

“To follow the red path, is to follow the path of your heart…” 

Life is better… Pictureless

28/Jul/15

Its 5.00 am in the morning and I haven’t been able to catch any sleep at all. I am in Greece, in the beautiful Greece trying to write a different ending to a love story that begun 2 and a half years ago. I don’t really know if this will be an ending though, we both don’t know – I think at least for this life it will. I also don’t know what it is what brought me here again. We are disastrous together, yet at the same time magic happens around us every time we are close to each other. The sky, the stars, the moon… they talk to us, they find a way to communicate with us and make us communicate between each other. I know it sounds ridiculous and unreal, but it is true.

The first time, the warmest sun brought us together in the most magical day in the city of Athens, on top of Philopappou Hill, where all the forces of the universe where working together, moving us in the direction where we will finally meet for the first time, once again.

The second time, a cold spring in London was easily bearable with the warmth that only a happy heart can bring, an unforgettable week which I can call without a doubt one of the bests in my life.

The third time, the stars where dancing above us in the beautiful Mylos in a way that I have never seen before. I sometimes think they were making fun of us, of our nonsense fights… telling us to wake up! to look at the important things and forget the unimportant.

The fourth time, exactly now, the moon witnesses our encounter, shining brightly and beautifully, illuminating Salamina’s sea and finding us sitting there, on a bench in front of the clearest waters I have ever seen, where even at night I could see the stones underneath.

This greek man and I… The same force that brought us together so strongly at the beginning is the same force that probably won’t let us remain this way. I can see this a little bit clearer now, but I don’t care. We don’t care. What we care about is that every time it happens, every time we meet, the moment is perfect – messy, but perfect. It’s funny because sometimes it seems like we were creatures from different species, two different worlds, cultures, beliefs, passions, language, everything. But no matter how many differences and opposite things I want to find between us, there is one important thing – the only important thing that matters, which is that we are the same soul, exactly the same, broken up into two, sent to different places and periods of time, and who where destined to meet again to change each other’s life forever and to be presented by the most scariest thing of all: A mirror – our own reflection in the other, our fears and desires, the worst of us (well, the worst of me at least), everything that most people are not able to see in us, that exactly is what we show to each other, inevitably, E V E R Y time.

However, humans are a weird race. We are prisoners, prisoners of ourselves. We act like if we have our heart inside a cell, and like that no one can live life fully. We are not able to enjoy ever second of the life we were granted because we don’t dare to unlock this cell, we don’t know how to, we are too scared – scared of showing who we really are to the world, scared of doing something that might not fit into the frame of other people’s mind or way of living.

How can I explain? … I will borrow a little story and it goes like this: Imagine that 2 strangers are sitting right now on this very same bench and they want to get to know each other better, BUT they have this picture of themselves, which they have created, and they are so scared to let this picture be destroyed in the eyes of the one sitting next to them, too scared to let them see that the picture has a little scratch, or maybe two, and that it may not be repairable. And instead of turning to each other saying: “Hello, nice to meet you, this is who I am”, they say “Hello, nice to meet you… wait a moment please” while they take their “perfect” pictures out from their pockets and show it to each other…

Yes, I am guilty too. And the worst is that I not only carry my own pictures but also pictures of how I think others should be 😦 Yes, I have several times played the role of the character from this unfortunate story that came from the mouth and the heart of a man who sees who I am and loves me, despite having showed him the very worst of me, the darkest side of my personality – that which even I cant accept of myself – but he does, because he doesn’t give a damn about pictures – he is beyond that.

Dr. Brian Weiss says that when two soul mates are reunited together for many lifetimes, the feelings and emotions between them can be SO intense that it might just be too much to take. They come to teach you probably the most important lessons of your life, but that doesn’t mean that you are destined to stay together, and exactly that is the most difficult thing to accept, because we have learned to be attached – but attachment is only human, because the soul knows when the lessons have been learnt and when its time to keep moving.

I ask the universe to set me free – I want to set myself free. Only then I will finally start living my life… Pictureless.

Goa welcomes my new path

13/Mar/2015

Today is the day where exactly one month ago I was living my very last working day in the corporate world. One month ago, huh? time flies when you are having fun, they say.

I am fully installed in Goa now, looking at the ocean and breathing pure nature around me. Feeling the warmth, not only from the climate but from the people too. On the first day here everybody knows your name – I am not just a guest in Room H-1 – here I am me, I am Laura. It feels nice, gives that sense of familiarity.

It´s been a week since I arrived to this beautiful place. I look around me and I suddenly think… since when did it become so normal to be here?. It feels like if I am just back to a place where I have been before. At the same time though, it feels like a different kind of world, a world that can´t be found everywhere. I look at my right and see people meditating in the beach or outside of their little huts. I look to the left and I see people doing yoga, tai chi and humming “om”s in front of the sea. I look to the front and the sunset is setting just in front of my eyes. Finally, I look back and I could not imagine my life without choosing this path, this journey that has JUST started!. The journey of self-discovery, the journey of oneness, of authentic happiness and contentment, of liberation… of non-attachent… And with the latter I am now starting to open a new little road in my yoga path. A new lesson for this life.

Feeling eternally grateful for that.

Namaste.